Jilted lovers or Joyous love?
mesa verde national park of southern colorado / march 2008 / bob traupman.
Dear Sisters and Brothers,
Our society finds it quite acceptable for people to hop into one relationship after another or just satisfy their needs by “hooking up”.
How many times have young people thought that this was the person of their dreams and been dumped by a rude text message ~ or done the dumping themselves?
How many marriages have ended when one spouse showed up in the kitchen and announced, “I want a divorce!” No discussion. No attempt to work out problems. No mercy. No forgiveness. It’s over. Done.
And what happens is that a person may add one unsuccessful relationship on top of another. As a result, our heart can become more and more wounded. And less and less trusting, less and less capable of loving . . . unless we somehow find a way to believe again, to hope again.
So, let’s take a deeper look at the truth and the transforming power of St. Paul’s words in I Cor. 13 we’re reflecting on in this series “What is Love?”
LOVE . . .
. . . it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
it bears all things.
believes all things,
hopes all things.
endures all things.
Love never fails.
We just have to learn to love anyway! If we’re hurt, keep on loving!
At least, that’s what St. Paul is getting at “Love does not brood over injuries.”
In the Art of Loving, psychoanalyst Erich Fromm’s classic book written in 1956, consider his statement that will blow most of us out of the water:
“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person: it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love. If a person loves only one person and is indifferent to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment or an enlarged egotism . . . If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world; I love life. If I can say to somebody else, “I love you,” I must be able to say” I love in you everybody. I love through you the world, I love in you also myself”~ p. 39.)
(When I taught Seniors in high school, this little book was required reading, along with Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.)
This is, of course, the heart of Jesus’ message, but many, if not most of us who say we’re his followers still don’t get it.
As tech opportunities for “communication” proliferate, the less we communicate. We communicate more and more on a superficial level. You can’t really know someone through texting, sexting or on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or in an email. A person can present a false persona. The only real way to communicate with someone is to be in their presence using all our senses.
We need to learn, once again how to come to true intimacy ~ the coming together of two or more persons who have the courage open themselves to the transformative power of love.
If you are one who seeks that, I’m with you. That’s what my writing has always been about.
Our final blog of this series will turn this subject around to consider “The Transformative Power of Love.”
Good and gracious God,
we ask you to heal hearts that are broken.
Help us to see even in the midst of our brokenness the depth of Your Love for us.
Give us the courage and strength to stop destructive patterns that lead only to more pain.
We may take the risk to open our hearts once more.
Give us hope, Lord.
Instead of seeking to find our true love,
let us simply become persons who love —
. . . whomever we’re with,
. . . to grow in our capacity to love
so that we can reach out to the whole world
as You do at every moment,
in every time and place.
To You, God of our understanding,
we give You praise, now and forever.
Now I suggest you take a second look at that tree weathering the mountaintop at 8000 feet. It has been jilted by the weather. But it still stands noble and proud — broken, gnarled and twisted; it’s a fine lesson for us of the meaning of life.
And here is the entire text of St. Paul’s Ode to Love (I Corinthians 13) once again. Savor each phrase and see how you measure up. . . .
If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous. Love is not pompous, it is not inflated,it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, does not brood over injury,it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. So faith, hope love remain, these, but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13
Now before you go, here’s a music video for you, Brandon Flowers “Jilted Lovers and Broken Hearts.” Click Here.
Erich Fromm Art of Loving / Harper and Row – 1956