Happy Valentine’s Day! True Love is faithful love ~ How do you measure up?

Flagler Beach Florida sunrise / bob traupman.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, EVERYONE!

We’ve been reflecting on St. Paul’s eloquent words about love from I Corinthians 13. And this is my final post on the subject.

Love is not pompous,

it is not inflated,

it does not seek its own interests,                                                                        it is not quick-tempered,                                                                                                                           \

it does not brood over injury,                                                                                                                                                                                           it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

Romantic love wears off in a few months.  True love requires fidelity and is long-lasting.  I often remember people I met briefly twenty or thirty years ago and there is still a place in my heart for them, even those who had rejected or hurt me.  And when I think of them I believe my prayer is able to touch them even now, either living or dead.

We think we know all about love. Yet Love is  an Art and a Discipline that is only learned and acquired by trial and error.  Thus, we have to learn how to love.  Or perhaps unlearn what we have learned in abusive homes  or families and find people who can teach us well.  I am profoundly grateful for the people who allowed my soul to unfold and blossom because of their love and in their love.

As I mentioned last time, I taught high school seniors (51 years ago!) that I had them read two books,  Erich Fromm’s Art of Loving and Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Both books still should be required reading by anyone who wants to become a whole and healed human person.

Many of us keep focusing on finding the right object of our love.  Fromm — and Jesus — tell us that being a person who is capable of loving the stranger in the checkout line at the 7-11 or your sibling whose guts you can’t stand is the way we will learn to love.

Love is being free to love the one you’re with so you can be with the one you love.

It is just not possible to love some and hate others.  St. John says, “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer.” (1 John 3:15)  

And yet, in today’s America, I wonder what kind of leadership and example we are setting for our children when some follow our political and business leaders who have sought to take revenge on their opponents instead of striving to be true noble patriots as was shown in the riots on our sacred Capitol on January 6th. 

Love is being able to see and respond to the loving energy of the universe and spread it around instead of trying to possess it for oneself.

Love is faithfully loving whomever God puts in our life at every turn of our life’s journey. A hard task sometimes. I know.

How often we fail.  But that’s what growth in love and Christian spirituality is all about. Sometimes it requires a heroic effort and sacrificial love ~ the love of Jesus, the Love of God for us.

So, what is LOVE?

There’s all kinds of love.  There’s romance that is the kind that pervades the soaps, the news stand magazines, the ones at the grocery store checkout counter. There’s erotic love.  There’s brotherly (or sisterly) love, the love of friends, neighborly love.  And then there’s sacrificial love.  There’s conditional and unconditional love.  There’s love that isn’t love at all.

But here’s a practical suggestion for you to make your own meaning.

At day’s end, reflect on the positive things — even the tiny little things in a chaotic, insane day.  Seek out where the LOVE was. Where was the LIFE?

Take a moment.  Reflect on your day.  Pick two incidents, however fleeting, however small that you might have missed at the time.  Savor them for a moment as you get ready for bed.  Those are the moments where love  and God has touched you.  Be ready to receive into your life and your heart the little moments of LIFE and LOVE that do happen even in the midst of the most terrible day and let them change your life.

It is not the destination that’s important; life and love happen along the way!

And so here’s my final prayer for this Valentine’s Day . . . .

Good and gracious God,

We live in a world that gives us so few models of faithful love.

Help us to learn the art and discipline of loving.

Help us to understand that we cannot love one person — even ourselves — unless we let love — rather than hate — flow from our heart to touch and heal and nourish those around us.

Heal us, Lord.

Let us trust in You, for you are the Source of all Love,

Your Love is flowing like a river giving life to everything and  every one along the way,

a river from our own hearts to everyone we meet this day. 

I also ask your blessing on all married couples and those engaged to be married.

It’s not easy to be faithful in this world today.

Pour out your abundant blessing upon them in all their struggles.

Renew their love and their joy this day and all the days of their lives. 

And please be with all those struggling with this corona virus and all those who protect them.

We give You thanks and praise this day.

Amen.

And now before you go, wouldn’t you like to hear a romantic melody for your beloved?  Well, here’s a very unique one: Cold Play’s True Love  Click here. 

With love

Bob Traupman

contemplative writer

And here is the entire text of St. Paul’s Ode to Love (I Corinthians 13)  Savor each line and see how you measure up. . . .

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge;

if I have all faith so as to move mountains

but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast

but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous,

Love is not pompous, it is not inflated,

it is not rude,

it does not seek its own interests,

it is not quick-tempered,

it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

Love never fails.

So faith, hope, love remain, these three;

but the greatest of these is love.

     I Corinthians 13

Presence not presents

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Sometimes we get so caught up with buying the right present for our kids, Lord, that we fail to realize that our presence is more important than our presents.

Mary, your human mother, loved you so much that you became Love itself, Lord.

We can do the same thing.  Help us to be present to our children each and every day.  Help us to hear what they are not saying.

Help us to call forth the love inside them.

Help us realize that material things can never substitute for the love and care that comes from inside us.

And if we don’t have family, Lord, then let us be present to the others in our life.

May we call forth Your light within them.  Let it light up their faces,  show in their laughter, in their mischief.

Help us to realize that the most important thing we do each day is to be present to our children, to nourish their souls, not just provide for their bodies.  May we get to  know each child as the the unique person they are and to call forth their unique gifts.

Forgive us, Lord, for getting so wrapped up in our careers and the running around we do that we forget that  being present to our children and to our family is the essential thing.

We honor You, Lord, for your great love.  In Your love, in Mary’s love, may we find love.  To You be glory forever.  Amen.

Brothers and sisters,

A couple of suggestions:  (1) Gather your household each day and  share with each other what we did that day.  Get  to know each other.  If you and your spouse, if you and your children are like ships passing in the night, you are not doing the essential thing: Loving your family.

Love involves knowing.  And knowing only happens when we trust each other enough to share what’s going on inside.  Only in that kind of atmosphere  do we grow.  Only then do we become the persons we are intended to be.  (2) Do not let the TV be the focus of your family room.  Arrange your furniture so you can look at (and delight in) each others’ faces and notice if there’s a twinkle or sadness there.  (3)  Choose games that cause you to interact with people not with tech toys.

If each of us takes time to be present to the people in our lives, we will have a meaningful Christmas.  After all, it’s all about how Love Itself was born of a simple teenage girl who said YES to Love with every fiber of her being.  May we also give birth to Love in our world today.

Happy Hanukah to my Jewish sisters and brothers!

Bob Traupman

priest/ writer

monday, december 22, 2008